- Think back to your past, when you knew what money was and what it could do--pleasure with ice cream cones, gifts--or pain with fights between your parents, longing for something that couldn't be afforded.
- What are your feelings about money today, based on those past experiences, such as these examples below >>
- Suzanne's family moved a lot due to her father's job promotions, to the point where they quit unpacking most of their belongings, having to meet new friends, attend new schools with new teachers and different methods in teaching the academics, new clothes to fit in, new challenges such as kids laughing at her accent, etc.--at age 43, she had no ties, no furniture, no commitments, no complications in case she had to move, and this was how she handled her money.
- Andy at age 10 was given a $10 dollar bill to go across the street by himself to buy some bread for his mother, and on the way he lost the money--today Andy can't deal with the fear of investing his money and is always seeking ways to keep it safe.
- Catherine wanted a bike for her birthday, but kept being told it cost too much. Then on her 7th birthday, she was surprised by having a brand new bike, just like all her friends had, but her very first ride resulted in a horrible fall that broke her arm, and she never rode her bike again--when Suze Orman met her, she was a successful professional with plenty of money, but was paralyzed in spending it on a house or anything she wanted to do because she was still living her life as though she didn't deserve anything that she wanted for fear of being punished in having any desires.
- Jane remembered that she received lesser allowance than her older brother and younger brother and the anger she felt towards her parents at being unfair, but more than that, her feelings of being powerless to do anything about it--rage and lack of power over her money followed her into adulthood.
- Fred remembered crouching in the back of his father's stretch limousine so his friends wouldn't see him--today he still feels ashamed of having any money.
- Suze shares the story about swimming with her own friends almost every day at the local fancy hotel, but one day her mother said she didn't have the money to give her to swim that day. Her mother looked close to crying, and told Suze not to tell anybody because she and her Dad didn't want anybody to know they couldn't afford it that day. This was so devasting to Suzy, who was 8 or 9 years old, yes THE Suze Orman, that she immediately assumed she was different from her friends, and had less than her friends, and that this would no doubt make her friends not like her any more. Never mind that she'd been swimming many times, but this one time of not being able to swim at the hotel with her friends was agonizing enough to her that she began stealing money from her father's pants pockets in the middle of the night in order to buy her friends gifts so that they would still like her--this affected Suze into her adult years, feeling guilty and not proud of herself for having done it, and in spite of being very successful, she still thought of herself as the little girl with no money to go swimming at the Thunderbird Motel until she finally connected the dots. (Interestingly, her mother still tries to make it up to her for not being able to give her the money that one day way back when.)
- Examples of what to ask yourself: What were the best presents? Did friends have things you didn't? Did your mother have to work when others didn't, or vice versa? Did your relatives give you money on each visit? Were you ashamed to bring your friends to your house? What special treats did you get as a child, and did you have to be good to earn them? Did you feel your friends had nicer clothes than you did? Did your parents' friends have more expensive cars than your parents had? Were you ashamed, or guilty, of having more than your friends? Did your parents, or other relatives, fight about money? Did you only get gift cards or money instead of hand-picked presents? Did you look forward to shopping for school clothes? Did either of your parents close the window so the neighbors couldn't hear their fighting about money? Did either of your parents get mad and yell about the other parent spending money? Did you ever steal money--from a piggy bank, parents' wallet or purse, or a store? When you got money for your birthday, did somebody tell you what to do with it? Did your friends go on better vacations than you did? What was your family's attitude towards money--good and bad?
- Be prepared to open the floodgates of emotion, but once you remember the past, write it down giving every detail--invite family and/or friends to do this exercise with you--don't create more pain, you're trying to remove the personal blocks about money...as children we feel powerless, and money is powerful, but until we can overcome our fears (that are freezing us into what we can't do instead of what we can do), self-doubts, unworthiness, and insecurity, we won't be able to look money in the eye and take claim to it.
- Going through this "connecting-the-dots" exerice will allow you to be independent from financial advisors. Suze found that her clients were better off being in control of their money themselves instead of having her in control of it. Once her clients worked their way through the past experiences with money, they no longer could be taken advantage of by "unscrupulous advisers" or be controlled by their own emotions about money.
- Freedom starts when you can say, think, and do the same thing: If you say you have more than enough money, but act and think like you don't, you won't be free. You won't be free either if you think you don't have enough money, but then act and say that you do.
- You have to follow all 9 steps, but you have to know what your goal is in order to pay attention to the specifics -- Here's some examples of goals, with maybe more than one being the target, but remember, you can make it happen, goal by goal, step by step, (like they say, eating an elephant one bite at a time) >
- I want to pay off my credit cards and get out of debt
- I want to have enough money for my childrens' education
- I want to retire in 10 years
- I want to make sure my family is provided for in case something happens to me
- I want to take time off, a year or longer, to travel anywhere, any time, any place
- I want to make enough money so that I'm never behind in paying my bills ever again
- I want to make sure my parents don't have to worry about money if they need medical care when they get older
A summary of Suze's Step 2, from her book "The 9 Steps to Financial Freedom," will be on a future posting -- let us know what you think, or what happens, as you try this out. A lot of people have followed her 9-step program and swear by it.
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